Lost In Thought

I’m Back!!

lostinthoughtinwi — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 03:33:25 +0000

Well dear reader it as been quite awhile since I have blogged & I apologize, it has been a long and trying time for me lately and have not had a chance to sit down and let everyone know what was going on. Well I was working two jobs for awhile but had to quit the second one very quickly as I am in the process of filing bankruptcy and couldn’t have the extra income. As much as I hate to say that I am doing this but unfortunately I need to in order to be able to live a comfortable life and not rely on other people to help me buy things I need. I am also very proud to say that I will be starting to get my teeth fixed starting in March for four weeks I will be getting almost all of my teeth removed and then will be fitted for a full denture on the top and a partial denture on the bottom, they will be able to save a few teeth but otherwise will be removing all of them. I promise to start filling everyone in on what’s going on more often, take care & see you all soon.

Trying to Forget…

lostinthoughtinwi — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 01:48:50 +0000

Well, we all have days where we’d like to forget, have seen or heard things that we would like to let go of and forget about. We also all have had either a life altering event or illness that pretty much you are stuck with for the rest of your life, and all you want to do some days is try and forget it and pretend it doesnt exist. Well dear reader for the past 6 years I have tried my best to live with and deal with what I have and many time have tried to just forget its there, unfortunately we all know that doesnt actually make it go away. Now luckily the illness I have has not really affected my body and I’ve been healthy and not had any issues up until recently. For about the past year I have been fighting with a major bout of fatigue, trying everything I can think of to get over it hoping that my illness was not the cause, but alas recently I have had to accept the it is the cause of the fatigue. What makes things hard is that even in times like these I cant really talk about it because most people are still so uneducated about it, so for most of the time I fight my battle alone, now I luckily do have a few friends who know & a supportive partner but sometimes even that doesnt help. Well a few days ago I had to make a tough decision and agree to go on medication to help fight the fatigue, again bringing my hiding reality to the front page, so here I go, stepping into another battle of dealing with my life and my choices.

Just a reminder…..

lostinthoughtinwi — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 01:40:05 +0000

Welcome back dear readers, sorry that it has been so long since my last post but I have been busy and have not had the time to get on here. I just want to start out by reminding people of an important upcoming event. Now this upcoming monday is World Aids Day, an important day to remember those who are sick and suffering from this horrible illness. Now i ask of anyone who reads this wether you like Starbucks or not that you please stop in on monday and get a cup of coffee or some tea, because they will be donating five cent from every purchase to Aids organizations to help continue research and to help those who are not fortunate enough to get the medical care that most here in the states can receive. Now I realize this is still a touchy subject and most people are still educated at such a low point of this that they all assume that its all something its not, now dont get me wrong, a lot of people are sick because of their own stupidity and careless behavior, but for those who are somewhat or completely innocent we need to help them.

I just want to now rant a lil about something that recently my friend SoLostInWIrecently wrote a post about drama queens and people doing things for attention. Now in most cases these people are young and immature but recently I had someone in my household blow up and get all dramatic and making comments about how she’s not welcome here and noone loves her and wants her around. Now the real issue is that this person is 30 and has a 2 year old child that will very easily pick up on this and could eventually learn this behavior but we are hoping that she doesn’t. Now what all started this was her typical complaining but then I made a simple comment to her about her TV and she decided to blow it up. Now later I found out that she has been saying this and is feeling unwanted because me and my partner don’t talk to her and she feels ignored because all we do after a long day of work is watch TV and play our game. Keep in mind she makes no effort to come talk to us nor does she speak up, unfortunately she is a 13 year old child stuck in a 30 year olds body, frankly she just needs to grow up.

Forgiveness In Times Of Storms!!

lostinthoughtinwi — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 03:55:00 +0000

Forgiveness can be defined and given by many terms and by many ways. I recently gave forgiveness to someone I swore I never would but I have also learned that forgiving someone for what they have done to you no matter how bad is better for yourself than constantly being mad and hating them, it takes more energy be mad, now this is not to be confused with forgetting because I will never forget what was done to me. I recently received an email from an ex-boyfriend who, when we were together, abused me physically and emotionally. He was a nice guy when he was sober, which unfortunately was not very often, we spent alot of time together but he had an addiction to drugs that was way stronger than his feelings for me. I gave up alot for him and pretty much all I got was alot of emotional pain and a bloody nose, now he recently emailed me because he saw my facebook profile. In this email he went to great lengths to apologize to me for the things he had done, he also advised me that no matter whether or not I forgave him he would totally understand, he also for the first time admitted his addiction and told me he has been sober for 6 months and is currently in a rehab program, which I was happy to hear. I did email him back and tell him despite all he put me through I did forgive him, again not to be confuse with forgetting. So what really help me over this wall was the fact he actually was man enough to admit his faults and his addiction.

Now for another twist to my world. For those of you that do not know me personally I currently work at a company that I love what I do but really hate some of the people I work with and frankly the company I work for; I work for a commercial HVAC supplier and spend most of my day reading and pricing equipment from blueprints. Now right at the moment I am completely miserable and would love to quit, unfortunately with the current economy and my current bill load, I cant do that until I find something else. I was on vacation all last week, when I returned this morning I had an email from my boss that was bitching me out for stuff that frankly wasn’t true and was not my fault. Now at this point this is part of months of ongoing problems and issues I’ve been facing with this company. Its truly hard getting up each day going to work worried if your gonna get fired because you looked at someone the wrong way. I get told that I am supposedly screwing up and not doing my job but when I ask what I did, I dont get an answer, instead I get yelled at and called an asshole and accused of smarting off to the boss. Unfortunately I work for a small company and the president of the company will not listen and pretty much will take the side of my boss and the others over mine, so here I sit in a horrible position as I search for a new one.

Brrrrr!!

lostinthoughtinwi — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 22:41:39 +0000

Well here we are, finally getting cold, starting to feel like winter, but I’m ready for warmth already. Nothing much exciting has been going on but the weekend is here and in a few days I head back to work, and strangly enough as much as I hate the place I am looking forward to going back just to have something to do. My next vacation will be a real vacation instead of sitting at home in town.

To be on the same direction of rant, here recently I had started looking for a new job, was even hoping to go back full time to my seasonal job, but unfortunately with the current economy going to hell in a handbasket I wont be starting a new job anytime soon. So as I talked to my other half and toiled over things I have decided that I am going to go to school, get a degree and go to work doing something I love. I am going to look into a pediatric nursing program, maybe try to get into childrens hospital. I have work in the medical industry before as a firefighter & paramedic, & have always loved working with children so I have decided that I am going to start the basic classes while I get my GED (no i dont have a diploma or GED, its a long story, ask if you truly would like to know) and then once I have that then I can go for the actual degree program. I’m going to start with getting my CNA and then trying to get into the hospital, usually when you get in the door you can get in a program and most hospitals with either pay for or assist you with your schooling if you sign a contract to work for they for a certain amount of time.

I guess I will leave you with one little bit of info, take from a page from this chapter and work on something for yourself, wether it be to build or strengthen relationships you have, build on friendships or work on building a better future for yourself.

And So It Begins!!

lostinthoughtinwi — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:37:30 +0000

Well dear readers here we are, the start of what we all hope will be a great four years of a new president and new change, frankly it cant get much worse. There was a lot of excitement around the country and around the world and I have to give credit McCain was very strong and gracious with his concession speach. Now of course here we are the start of something of a first and a huge step in our country with electing the first black man to be president, but then you look on the state level and in California a battle was lost on Proposition 8. For those of you that do not know, proposition 8 was a state constitutional amendment overturning the law accepting gay marriage in California, which started as a huge step for equal rights for those of us homosexuals that want to be able to get married. Now as for me I could care less either way wether or not I get married to my partner as all that it does is gives a piece of paper that says we are a couple, well hell we know that already, but what I do care about and what most of us are truly fighting for, isnt the right to get married but the same legal rights as any other couple in the country. See many people dont realize that for us twenty years in a relationship means nothing in times of death, illness and times where great decisions need to be made, nor do we get to benefit from the same tax bonuses as married straight couples get to receive. Now of course luckily for us that if we do will something to someone we can at least benefit from that, but that’s the only way, unless the families are accepting and allow you to make the decisions for your partner your pretty much screwed.

Now for something a little more positive; I got to have lunch with a friend of mine today, one who started out as just a co-worker and now has turned into a huge friendship that I am more than grateful for, as I am not from here originally and do not have many friends, more by choice than anything. It was great to sit and just talk about life, things that happened, things that we hope happen and things we are looking forward to in the near or far future. We discussed things about our lives, things that we both may not have agreed on but respected the others opinion of, so again this is a reminder that you need to hold onto the good things and the good people you have because true friends & family are few and far between.

Two Steps Ahead….Eight Steps Back

lostinthoughtinwi — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:13:44 +0000

Ok so here we are, the end of another four years and we are back to voting for a new president. Luckily this time we are voting for some new people and not the same old people. Now here is the scary thing its good but yet so bad, and here is why: We are in a new age where our candidate are a black man for president & a woman for vice president, a real first for our country. Now here is the issue we run into, get have gotten far enough that something like this is acceptable but still so far behind that people are still treated like shit and like a lower class person because of their lifestyle or who the choose to love. Now luckily there are people out there fighting to help us out and fight for our equal rights and maybe one day it will happen. Now we have two candidates one who is for great new change & one who is really keeping the traditions of bush alive. Hopefully peole get smart and we end up with the right person.

Now something else that I’ve been toiling on is that life is hard, especially when your in a situation that you cant really talk about because most people are so closed minded and one way. Things are hard when you have friends that you are really close to but cant tell them because your afraid of what they will think or how they will react. My thought on this began about two weeks ago when I was asked about my bracelet and what it stood for and when I told them what it was for their reaction was kinda quiet and cold, now I never stated it pertained to me but just that reaction kinda hurt and got me thinking and to the point I am today. Luckily I have a good support system and a few of my close friends do know and they have been great. Ok people now just remember treat everyone equal no matter who they love, what illness they may have, or someway they live their life, everyone has a good qualities even if you dont agree with them.

Life!!

lostinthoughtinwi — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 01:46:29 +0000

Well this is the first of many blog post’s to my new blog home, so Welcome to my world.

So we all go through many boughts, rough patches, crazy times, sometimes even end in what seems like hell but then we also have the luck of friends, to be there and to go through it with us, to be our crutches & to help hold us up. Now the real kicker is when your friend is the one going through hell, is down as far as he can go and you know that there is nothing you can do for them, all you can do is continue to remind them that they are not going through it alone and that no matter what they can turn to you if they need to. So now you ask why am I thinking about this now? Well unfortunately I have a good friend who is in that spot, he is going through hell, unfortunately everything that has ever meant anything to him is all falling apart, and he unfortunately is someone that does not like to put his problems on other people, so we all sit on the side, be there for him when we can and that we will do our best to help him where we can. Now I know this isnt the most pleasant way to start things but it was what was on my mind so thats where I started.

Now speaking of life mine has been horribly crazy for the past two months, I have worked two full time jobs and havent had any time to do anything but sleep. Now unfortunately the first job which is my primary is great and I like what I’m doing but I’m starting to really hate where I work, I get blamed for shit I didnt do, I get yelled at for stuff that I dont know what happened, here I am now dealing with putting up with people I cant stand and unfortunately with the economy going to hell its going to be hard finding another job. Now the second job is fun & I love what I do but unfortunately their pay scale isnt all that great, but sometimes you have to take a cut and work extra to make up the difference so that you can enjoy your work. Well I think that’s it for tonight.